Charlotte Renaud

Arts& Culture Editor

Photo via Victoria Milan

We all know someone who’s actively swiping away on dating apps. Whether they extract pleasure out of it or not, they’re able to keep track of their countless text conversations and regular dates with new people. Most of us might even be that person. 

Ever since their outbreak, dating apps have been subjected to debate. Many people dislike them, remembering the awful dates they’ve been on after meeting someone online. Others refuse to give into dating apps, claiming that they are breeding grounds for hookup culture and sexual harassment. On the other hand, some are grateful for these apps because that is where they met their partners. At the core of these contrasting opinions lies the apprehensive question: have dating apps smothered what was left of romance? 

  Even though long-term relationships are traditionally viewed favourably in society, short-term relationships are by far what is most popular now. People tend to associate loyalty, love, and security to long-term relationships. While these qualities are desired, they are overshadowed by the enticing thrill that comes with short-term dating. The passion, fun and excitement that are often ascribed to short-term relationships has taken precedence over the qualities attributed to the long-term. Consequently, most of us want to experience the sweetness of romance without the restrictive commitment it entails. The spread of hookup culture is undeniably one of the most significant consequences that arose from the development of dating apps and the instant gratification they provide users with. 

Since dating apps allow people to constantly receive instant gratification from new people, the difficulty of commitment in relationships has grown exponentially. By granting access to an endless number of potential partners, the apps fuel people’s reluctance to commit to a specific person or relationship. We no longer need to find solace in the saying that “there are other fish in the sea,” because instead, we take pride in the deceptive mindset that there is always a better fish out there.

“Developers of dating apps are lying; they purposefully designed their apps in the hopes of keeping us on them as long as possible.”

Tate Moyer’s article “Modern Romance is Dead, and Tinder Killed It” mentions psychologist Barry Schwartz’s description of this shift in perspective as a direct result of the choice paradox. He explains this as the phenomenon that reduces our satisfaction with the choice we make when we are presented with too many options. Similarly to online shopping, dating apps expose us to an infinite number of choices. On these apps, the choice paradox takes the shape of “serial swipers,” who hesitate to commit to one option out of fear that there might potentially be a better one. This mentality is much more dangerous on dating apps because these choices are now made about people instead of objects.

In addition to this paradox, dating apps are gamified to further their users’ addiction to them. Natasha Dow Schüll, author of Addiction by Design, explains that gamification is when software developers incorporate the addictive elements found in gaming into their apps to fuel users’ engagement, which would overall boost profit. The ‘infinite scroll’ on dating apps is as addictive as gambling slot machines. Tate Moyer’s article explains how the human brain exhibits an addictive response when units cannot be defined or when they are infinite. This urges further scrolling in the hopes of reaching a nonexistent point of completion. The slot machine also works in this way; “the point at which a user will receive their theoretical reward is undefined, so they continue to buy into the system in the hopes that they’ll hit the jackpot on their next term.” The user’s desire to meet people is continuously being fuelled on these apps without being satiated. Consequently, one of many matches does not tend to form any meaningful connections; it simply acts as a confidence booster. 

Developers voluntarily design dating apps to be addictive, training on instant gratification and the endless search for a “better fish in the sea.” We’ve all come across Tinder’s witty slogan “It Starts with a Swipe” and Hinge’s “Designed to be Deleted.” Their taglines all sound too good to be true – and that’s because they are. Online dating has become a multi-billion-dollar industry that profits off people’s desire to meet a partner and find love. These apps are designed to offer quick stimulation and therefore be addictive.

Developers of dating apps are lying; they purposefully designed their apps in the hopes of keeping us on them as long as possible.

They propagate instant gratification and reinforce users’ fear of commitment by employing effective marketing strategies that encourage the online dater to invest in costly premium offers. For example, Hinge claims that ‘sending a rose’ is more likely to land someone a date. Bumble also coaxes its users into buying their premium membership (27.99$ for a week or 279.99$ for a lifetime) that allows them to view who their likes are. 

While the dating apps themselves are problematic, some users are too. Besides the no-commitment sex and one-night stands, another consequence of the hookup-culture mindset is the frequent ‘ghosting’ phenomenon where a person will suddenly break off all communication with another, without any explanation. According to Neil McArthur’s book The Ethics of Sex, around 1/5^th of young people report having been ghosted by a romantic partner. In addition to this hurtful experience, the act of cheating is facilitated through online dating. A study conducted by the research firm, Global Web Index, reports that 30% of Tinder users are married while another 12% are in a relationship. These platforms also reinforce insecurities, further discouraging authenticity. A study mentioned in McArthur’s book reports that the most advantageous word to have on a male profile is ‘6ft.’ The desire for likes can exhort people to lie on their profiles to appeal to the general population. 

Overall, dating apps prove to be quite ineffective. According to PEW Research, despite their extreme popularity, only 12% of these individuals report eventually forming a committed relationship. 

These apps can also be dangerous. There are serious safety risks that must be addressed, such as the facilitation of discrimination, sexual harassment, and assault. McArthur’s The Ethics of Sex hypothesised that people feel more comfortable behaving poorly with others who have no contact with anyone else they know. People behind their screens tend to falsely feel like their harmful actions don’t affect others as much as they do offline. Since dating apps are centred on physical appearances, conventionally attractive users receive a disproportionately high number of matches and messages compared to others, and those who don’t fit colonial beauty standards are frequently discriminated against. In his book, McArthur explains, “Tinder, for instance, has banned many trans users, probably because transphobic users report their profiles. Sex workers have also been kicked off dating apps, even when they are only using them for personal dating.” Some apps like Grindr tolerate racist and derogatory language in people’s profiles such as slurs and phrases like “no Asians” and “no fatties.”

Sexual harassment and assault are also visible problems on dating apps. PEW Research reports that 35% of users claim to have received unsolicited sexually explicit messages. In addition to this, a study led by ProPublica reports that one-third of women have reported being sexually assaulted by someone they met on a dating app. 

So, are there any positive sides to online dating? The answer: yes. While the dating scene has not improved since the development of dating apps, it is more accessible. Finding a compatible partner can be quite difficult, especially for those who do not go to many social gatherings. Dating apps can appeal to a shy clientele as they offer them more opportunities to meet people. The access we now have to the dating pool allows us to go ‘fishing’ from the comfort of our own homes, expediting the meeting of someone compatible. 

Not only do dating apps benefit those who are shy, but they also break down barriers between social groups who would not necessarily have met offline. People with specific sexual interests and members of sexual minorities can find like-minded people more easily online. McArthur argues that this factor is what prompted queer peoples’ early and enthusiastic adoption of online dating. However, since Grindr’s launch in 2009, countless other dating apps have developed: Tinder, Hinge, JSwipe (a dating app for Jewish millennials), 3nder (for people interested in polyamory, kink, and other alternative sexual preferences), Bumble, Fruitz, and the list goes on.

The idea behind dating apps is not inherently bad. People can, and do, meet their partners. However, the specific development of these apps and insensitive behaviour of some users are what often result in unsatisfactory endings. Whether or not love lives should be digitised will continue to spark controversial opinions – thus, it boils down to what we individually think is best for us. Romance might be suffering, but it is not dead.