Photo Via GQ

Maya Jabbari

Managing Editor

“Am I written by a woman?” “Do you know this underground artist, Lana Del Rey?” “Ugh, yes, my feminist literature books!”

Okay guys, we get it! But why the performance? Why, as of late, have many boys felt the need to outwardly show and prove that they understand women or like they’ve lived the female experience? What’s the catch? Is this them truly loving the things they claim to or is this the equivalent of them putting Sally Rooney’s novel Normal People in their back pocket to attract attention from women? We may be seeing a new wave of performativity that has manifested itself into an outward need to show one’s progressive ideals and cultivated interests, seemingly designed only with the goal to attract female attention.

A quote from anthropologist Jillian R. Cavanaugh for Oxford Bibliographies about notable English Philosopher, John L. Austin’s coined term “performativity”, says that “Performativity is the power of language to effect change in the world: language does not simply describe the world but may instead (or also) function as a form of social action”. In the 1990s, Judith Butler, American feminist philosopher and gender studies scholar, then developed this term in relation to gender. Here Cavanaugh continues, writing, “Butler argued that gender is an ongoing and socially constructed process, which proceeds through a continuous series of performative acts.”

So, that begs the question: do these boys want genuine connection and shared values, or is this a performance of strategic mimicry; a calculated attempt to align oneself with the perceived desires of a generation of young women?

This question of performativity has manifested in many ways. One of them being the overly eager embrace of female musical artists like Clairo, Beabadoobee, Phoebe Bridgers, and, most notably, Lana Del Rey. The singer, known for her music that shares her experiences of womanhood—whether personal or in relation to the acts of men—has cultivated a fiercely loyal female fanbase. For some young men, professing an intense love for her music became a way to signal emotional intelligence and a sensitivity to the feminine experience. It’s important to note that this isn’t to say that male fans of Lana Del Rey don’t or can’t love her music, but rather that the sudden and widespread adoption of her music as a symbol of romantic gain or superficiality in the past years raises questions whether it’s authenticity speaking or performativity.

What about the book tucked into the back pocket? GQ’s staff writer Eileen Carterr dives into this trend that men began to take part in after Jacob Elordi was spotted in Sydney’s airport in September of 2024 browsing books, with one of them tucked in his cargo pants. In fact, TikTok user @henry_grey_earls, who has nearly 845,000 followers, made a video that received 13k likes just days after this Jacob Elordi trend started, where Henry, with genuinity, says “I’m walking around with a paperback book in my back pocket to see if any girl stops me and goes “yo you’re kind of cute Henry, shit, I like the paperback book in your back pocket” just waiting for the compliment”. This points out the whole process of performativity that is teetering into male manipulability. The chosen title of book-bearing, often deemed “intellectual” or “thought-provoking,” is part of this carefully constructed persona. The message is clear: “I am not like other guys; I am cultured, introspective, and adjusted to the nuances of the human experience.” This curated image, however, often crumbles under scrutiny, revealing a superficial engagement involving performativity and the world of literature.

The driving force behind these performances can be considered a desire for social validation and, ultimately, romantic success. These young men are aware of the shifting power dynamics within their generation, and are adapting their approaches accordingly. They’ve observed the values and preferences of their female peers and are attempting to mirror them, hoping to create this mutual compatibility. 

It’s important to understand the implications of this performative behavior since it contributes to a broader culture of superficiality, where image trumps substance. It encourages young people to prioritize appearances over genuine connection and to view relationships as transactional exchanges.

All of this to say, it’s of course not every guy who does this with the intention of purely attracting women, otherwise that would be generalizing. This is simply a comment on how romantic connection should not be a game of imitation and manipulation. We should move beyond these superficial performances and build relationships that are based on actual connection and love for the things that make you, you. Yes, I get it; the desire to attract a partner is natural, but it’s imperative that it doesn’t come at the cost of one’s own integrity or the genuine expression of self! So guys, like the things you like, but maybe don’t do it for the sole purpose of bagging women!